Bereavement Decluttering Case Study
After my beloved Mum died suddenly in 2018, life changed in the blink of an eye.
Alongside the grief came the practical reality of clearing her home. With my sister living in Australia, the unenviable task fell to my late husband and I.
What followed was one of the most emotional experiences of my life, and one that would ultimately shape the work I do today.
The emotional side
You’d think that because it’s someone else’s belongings that you’re sorting, it might be that little bit easier, but in reality, bereavement decluttering is very different from any other type of organising.
Each drawer, cupboard, and wardrobe contained memories waiting to be discovered. Sometimes I would shut a drawer as the contents were just too painful to deal with at that moment in time. I would go back and sort it when I felt emotionally ready to do so.
The reality of what sometimes felt like snooping through her drawers without my Mum’s permission, seemed too much to deal with at times. Going through bank statements and hand written notes often felt intrusive, even though I knew it was something that had to be done.
The process wasn’t just about clearing out a home. It was about saying goodbye, one belonging, one piece of paper, one knitted toy at a time.
The decluttering process
We spent a few months working through the house room by room, category by category.
Mum loved knitting. A bag of knitting by the side of her reclining chair; a large suitcase filled with different types of wools and a multitude of colours; her wardrobe hiding several bags of wool, and needles and patterns a plenty. She had overcome so much in her 72 years that I wanted to honour her memory by making sure her belongings continued to help others wherever possible.
As a side hustle, my Mum knitted toys and sold them at craft fayres. She had planned to sell some of her handmade toys at a Christmas fayre, but sadly never had the chance. My daughter and I decided to sell them at our local primary school to help raise funds. Watching children choose one of Mum’s knitted toys and seeing the smiles they brought warmed our hearts.
Items that could help others, and clothing were donated to charities close to Mum’s heart. Her glasses were donated for reuse to a charity in Africa, bedding donated to the homeless shelter, and furniture found new homes with family and friends.
Along the way we discovered hidden treasures: a piece of the Berlin wall I had gifted Mum back in 1996, old family photographs, and costumes my sister and I wore in dance shows when we were young.
Some of my favourite clothes belonging to Mum were lovingly transformed into a keepsake dog (courtesy of ‘Love, Keep, Create’) which sits in a memory box in my home today.
The outcome
The process of clearing out a loved one’s home is, and was, emotionally exhausting at times. Knowing many of Mum’s belongings would continue to bring joy to or help others, rather than simply being discarded, brought us comfort and peace.
Losing Mum so suddenly opened our eyes about the way we lived. Our home was not cluttered, far from it, but it made us want to organise our paperwork, simplify our belongings and ensure everything was in order, should anything happen to us. I now know this to be the art of Swedish Death Cleaning (or Legacy Organising as I like to call it).
After also losing my husband, my understanding of decluttering and legacy organising has become even deeper. I know how overwhelming it feels to open drawers or boxes that haven’t been touched for years. I know how exhausting the decisions can become.
Key takeaway
This journey later inspired me to support other families through bereavement decluttering with compassion and understanding.
Going through a loved one’s home taught me lessons that no training course ever could. I learnt that grief isn’t straight forward. Some decisions take seconds, others take much longer. There is no set pace for bereavement decluttering. The most important thing is that people feel supported, never rushed, and never judged.
Bereavement decluttering isn’t about getting rid of someone’s belongings, it’s about protecting memories, making thoughtful decisions and honouring a life while finding a way to move forward.
If you or someone you know is facing the difficult task of clearing a family home after bereavement, please know you don’t have to do it alone.
I’m here to provide compassionate, confidential support, helping you move at your own pace and making what can feel overwhelming just that little bit easier.